Financial Strategies for Divorcing a Narcissist

May 15, 2024

Did you know that financial abuse is a form of domestic abuse? Abuse is about control and if you are married to or are divorcing a narcissist, it's very likely that they have asserted their control through money.

What is Financial Abuse?
Financial abuse is just as it sounds. It is using finances to control and manipulate. Scare tactics, like threats to leave you with nothing, are just one form of financial abuse your narcissist might use. This type of narcissistic abuse takes many forms throughout a marriage and even into divorce. Here are a few to be on the lookout for:

Lies, Lies, and More Lies
This guy could be lying from the beginning of your relationship. Maybe he lies about his job, his income, his financial portfolio, what assets or debts he get the idea. He might lie about money to get you to spend your money on something he wants. Or, the lies could start after you're married, like by him taking out cash from the ATM and not telling you what he is using for or hiding money in secret bank accounts. And the lies won't stop there.

Budget Boss
If a narcissist is in charge of the family money, look out. This is an ultimate position of power, and he will use that power to restrict your access to account information, control the amount of money you have to purchase family necessities, and even if you both contribute to the bank account, he will dictate where all of your money is spent. Don't be surprised if he "punishes" you with money.... like refusing to pay family bills, going on a spending spree with a credit card in your name, or making it so that you can't even buy groceries.

Yes, but...
If your narcissist is the sole income provider, the money power-trip is amped up. They give, but never without wanting something in return. Everything has strings attached and you're made to feel like "owe" the narcissist something. And when he spends frivolously, he will shame and blame you for overspending or wasting family money.

Then, there are the narcissists who don't or won't work and have no money to contribute to the marital finances. They don't just depend on you to provide for all of their needs, they demand it. Many want to live beyond their means but have no plan to do what it takes to pay for them. Instead, they will make you assume the debts, and thereby increase the hold they have on you financially.

Fear in Freedom
If you are in the process of divorcing a narcissist, the attempt to control and manipulate is far from over. They use money to punish you by either emptying your bank account, leaving you with mounds of bills, but no money to pay, but they won't pay the bills either. Some will even steal credit cards and run up balances in an attempt to further break you. He is probably intentionally dragging out the divorce case and running up your legal fees.

And forget about an amicable support agreement. The fight is on. They want to instill fear in you and make you feel like you can't survive without them and that you won't have the financial security you deserve.

Break the Chains
So, what can you do if any of these behaviors sound familiar? How do you safely get out from under his control? Is there a way to successfully divorce a narcissist and come out on the other side with your finances intact?

First, you're not alone in this. You will break free and have the financially secure future you and your children deserve and I'm going to show you exactly what you can do to keep yourself and your money safe from him. I want you to identify these troubling behaviors, protect yourself financially, physically, and emotionally, and counteract his financial abuse so you can walk into your post-divorce life confident that the chains of financial abuse are finally broken, and he can't come back to haunt you.

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